How to Make Your Vagina Taste Awesome

Vaginas (or vulvas, nerds) taste the way they taste because of a combination of factors — your body's natural sweaty smells plus the smell of whatever detergent you use on your underwear plus the smell of any soaps you use plus the smell of the your vagina's juices, so the obvious first step to having a
fragrant, delicious pubic region would be to thoroughly wash and wear clean laundry that you wash in soap that doesn't contain dyes or fragrances that will clash with your body's natural scent.

Surprisingly, not much research has been done on what a girl can do to alter the makeup of her vaginal secretions in a way that's reflected in the taste, and so most advice for making your vagina taste awesome is based on old wives' tales and anecdotes and hilariously misspelled Yahoo answers. During my informal snooping and asking around, I found pineapple mentioned frequently as vaginal taste aid. Apparently, it's high in sugars, and when you eat it, some internal mechanism sends tiny Magic School Buses to your stomach to cart away the sweet pineapple molecules straight to your vagina. Also recommended: apples, celery, yogurt, red grapes, cranberry juice, lots of water, mint, watermelon, strawberries. Basically, anything that grows that isn't smelly.

According to the anecdata, any food that can make you have weird farts, bad breath, or strong smelling pee should be avoided — beer, coffee, alcohol, asparagus, most dairy, onions, shallots, meat, and fish. And while smoking will make you cool, like cooler than you could ever manage on your own, smoking will make the taste of your body's juices turn sour. If you already smoke and are about to defensively insist that your juices taste like peach nectar, just imagine how scrumptious you'd taste if you kicked the habit.